Un-Tethered Dragon
Un-tethered Dragon was inspired by the July 9, 2011 production of The Machine of Death Part One story: Murder and Suicide, Respectively presented by The Un-Scripted Theater Company in San Francisco. UN-TETHERED DRAGON – Stacy Mayer and Clay Robeson with Steven Westdahl, Merrill Gruver and The Un-Scripted Theater Company Charles and Lois are seated in a sea-side café somewhere on Cape Cod. Lois reads a paper. Charles is bikini watching, but only half-heartedly, since he’s listening to his wife with the other half. Lois: Well, if he’s the president, I don’t understand why he can’t just raise the debt ceiling himself. Charles: Because the government doesn’t work that way, Lois. Lois: Well it’s a government… it should work. That’s what we pay ‘em for. Charles: If he could make those kinds of decisions on his own, then this would be a dictatorship or a monarchy or an oligarchy or some other kind of archy-archy. Lois: I don’t want any archys. Charles: Why do we always have these discussions while we’re on vacation? Why can’t we have these kinds of discussions at home instead of watching Wheel of Fortune? Lois: Oh, I’m sorry! Because I’m doing the dishes and making your bed, and let’s see what else… Oh! Picking up my step children from their recitals – you think I didn’t want to have kids myself? Charles: I got you a really nice SUV. Lois: It is pretty nice. Charles: Look, we’re here. We should enjoy ourselves and not debate the crap from the news. Lois: It is a bunch of crap… look at this, look at this. It says somebody has invented some kind of machine. Charles: Oh. Here’s my shocked face. Lois: It’s like Bill Gates. Charles: Bill Gates invented a machine. Lois: Yeah. Charles: Does it, uh, fail a lot? Turn all blue and tell you you can’t do shit? Lois: Wait. Wait, that’s uh… no… Bill Gates just bought a new house. Charles: Is it blue? Lois: Oh, no, here… this is… uh… The Machine of Death. Charles: Why would someone invent a Machine of Death? Lois: I don’t know… do you think the machine could kill people? Charles: I would hope not, it would be like one of those big doors with the spikey box coffin things… THAT was a Machine of Death. Lois: Oh my god, yeah, I saw that in the medieval museum! Charles: I don’t even… Iron Maiden? Is that what they called them? Lois: Yeah! I think so. It’s like the band. Charles: They didn’t kill people. Lois: No. The band didn’t kill people. I think this MACHINE kills people. Charles: Why would someone invent that? Lois: It’s terrible! You know, I should read more than just the headlines. Charles: You’re so pretty. Lois: Oh, Charles you’re just sayin’ that because I got a new tan. Charles: No more papers. Lois: No more papers. Charles: Just vacation. Lois: Just vacation. Charles: Just vacation. They smile. Lois and Charles stand awkwardly in the marketing lab where Dr. Burke has set up the portable Machine of Death prototype that is soon to be distributed across the country. Dr. Burke: So you read about the Machine in the paper, did you? Lois: Well I didn’t read the whole article, but I saw the headline. Dr. Burke: Well that’s excellent, excellent. I’m so glad the two of you are in town on vacation during this, our very first public open beta testing of the Machine of Death. Lois: This is going to be the best vacation ever, honey! Dr. Burke: Now, you’re names were Charles and Lois, yes? Lois: Yes, I’m Lois. Dr. Burke: Yes, yes you are. And you totally understand how the machine works, you don’t get a time, or a date, you just get the cause. Lois: The cause? Dr. Burke: The cause of death, understand? Lois: So you pick someone that you want to die… Dr. Burke: No, darling, this is your own death. Lois: Oh, I don’t want to die! Charles: No, no, no… Lois: Um… Dr. Burke: That’s the one thing we all have in common, though, isn’t it Lois? Lois: Death and taxes! Dr. Burke: Not everyone pays taxes, though. But until we invent the Immortality Machine and begin selling it to people like you, well, we’ll have to settle for the Machine of Death. Charles raises his hand. Dr. Burke: Yes, Charles? Charles: Can we get in on the Immortality Machine beta instead of the Death beta… Dr. Burke: Well, I know it’s a sticky term, Death… we don’t like the way it sounds in our ear because it reminds us of our mortality—We’re testing a couple other names for the machine, but for right now Machine of Death seems to be working pretty good. Now, I know you’re eager… which one of you wants to try it out first? Charles: She does. Lois: I don’t want to die! Dr. Burke: Lois… you’re not going to die, darling, it hardly stings at all, just a little pin prick, I promise. Lois: All right… Another café, another conversation about politics, another weary sigh from Charles. Lois: Does the president have to pay taxes? Charles: Of course he does. Lois: Couldn’t he just fix the books? Charles: No I don’t think he could fix the books Lois. Lois: What about the Queen? Does she pay taxes? Charles: Yes Lois: Why don’t you ever take me anywhere exciting? All we ever do is drive to Cape Cod, year after year. I think this new death machine is probably the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to us on a vacation. Charles: We’ve been married 22 years, what do you expect? A trip to China? Lois suddenly looks extremely frightened. Lois: Oh no! Not China! Charles, anywhere but China! Charles: Okay. Not China. Lois calms, but still fidgets with the newspaper. Charles watches her curiously for a moment. Charles: Why not China? Not that I’m promising you a trip! But… why not China? Lois puts the paper down and wrings her hands. Lois: I’m gonna to be eatin’ by a dragon some day. So Cape Cod will be just fine for vacation. Charles: You’re not going to be eaten by a dragon. Lois: But that’s what it said. Dr Burke said the machine is never wrong. Charles: Lois. The card you got said “Un-tethered Dragon.” So… even if there WERE dragons, we’d just need to keep you away from any that were—what am I saying? There’s no such thing as dragons, and even if there were, some stupid little scanner can’t possible know that one was going to eat you. Lois: People get eatin’ by dragons all the time in Harry Potter. Charles sighs. Charles: Good thing they’re done making those movies, then. Dr. Nelson and Aunt Peggy stand in a park in the shadow of a bridge. Aunt Peggy points upwards. Aunt Peggy: You’ve given me the best gift you could give and now I’m trying to return the favor to you. I want you to listen. I want to give you some advice. Two months ago I thought I was going to die of cancer. But then I stuck my hand in your machine and it told me I was going to die “by bridge.” Don’t you see? I have a choice. Jumping is free will. I can choose when I am going to die, Sidney. Charles and Lois are driving. Lois: Charles! Pull Over. Charles: I can’t pull over Lois. We’re on a bridge. Lois: Just pull over. I want to take a picture. Charles: Can’t you just take one through the window? Lois: No Charles. It’ll be too blurry. Just pull over. Charles sighs and pulls the car over. Lois gets out, leaving her door open. Charles remains in the car. Lois: Oh my Gawd! Have you ever seen so many kites? Charles: Yeah Lois... It’s amazing… Now get back in the car. Lois: But they’re all so different! So many different colors! And shapes! There’s a box one, and there’s one that looks like a fish! And look at that big red one! It’s like a salamander or something. Charles looks out the passenger side of the car. His eyes grow wide. Charles: Lois, get back in the car. Lois: I don’t know how the wind doesn’t just yank those strings out of their hands. Charles: Lois! Get in the car!! Lois climbs up on the bridge railing in order to get a better shot of the kites. Lois: The salamander is coming this way, I just want one more picture!! Charles: LOIS! The red dragon kite comes free from its operator’s grip and hurtles skyward, directly towards Lois. As it passes her, the large spool holding yards upon yards of kite string catches her on the back side of her head and she topples forward off the bridge and down… down towards Aunt Peggy who stands below defiantly. The End
